I don’t condone any of the criminal acts in this story. It’s all just a bit of fun and nothing more than a fantasy. But we can all have a bit of fun in our minds, eh?

I took a final drag on my cigarette, then stubbed it out into a pot-plant on the patio. It was getting on for late afternoon, and I probably only had a few hours before Jackie would arrive home. Boy oh boy, did she have a surprise waiting for her when she got back.

I’d been planning this little ‘treat’ for my line manager Jackie ever since she caught me watching porn at work. She’d reported me to the boss, and had me dragged into a meeting where she went on and on about how disgusting and debasing it was. Just the sort of shit I expected from an uptight bitch like her. The last time she got any dick must’ve been school, so I guess she resents anyone else getting any.

I lost a promotion opportunity as a result of that little incident, and was humiliated in front of all my colleagues, just cos she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. I originally planned to get revenge on her by keying her car, but when I went to do it I noticed the stupid cow had left the window wound down, and the keys to her one-bedroom flat were on the front seat. One quick trip to a key-cutters later to get them cloned, and I had unlocked the opportunity for revenge on a much grander scale.

Cos she’s such a loser, I knew Jackie would use the upcoming bank holiday to visit her sister up in Glasgow. Says something about a person when you’ve got so few mates you’ve gotta hang out with family on your days off. This gave me the perfect opportunity to execute my plan.

See, the reason I got caught watching porn at work is cos I’m a pornosexual. That’s a person who’s entire sexuality is based around watching porn. And I watch a LOT of it. Every spare moment I have, I’ll be gooned out, pants around my ankles, leaking precum over hot starlets getting ploughed. That doesn’t mean I’m going at it solo though; I’ve got a whole community of other guys (and a couple of girls, too) who share my love of smut. We chat on forums, webcam while we’re jerking off, share new vids and pics that get us off. It’s a real, smutty love-in with my bate mates.

When I realised Jackie’s house would be empty for three whole days, I got online to tell my buddies. Opportunities to meet up in real life and wank together are rare. An opportunity to do that AND wreck the flat of prude in the process was too good for my mates to pass up.

I had told the gang to start showing up on Saturday, but I arrived at Jackie’s flat late on Friday night, waiting across the street until I saw her pull away in her car. I’d told my gooner friends they could stay as long as they wanted and do whatever they wanted with the place, and I’d got over 50 responses from people saying they would show up, some even flying to the UK just for the chance to wreak a little filthy havoc.