Katy Perry and The Video EditorKaty Perry and The Video Editor 2Katy Perry and The Video Editor 3

*the following is a work of fiction*

Katy Perry and The Video Editor

Alright, it’s time I got this one off my chest…

I work as a video editor in L.A. I cut all kinds of stuff — commercials, movie trailers, music videos. Whatever’s available really. It’s a competitive industry and I’m just happy to have the work. It’s not always glamorous but it pays well. Lots of long hours alone in a dark room, just trying to make something work. It’s a sometimes grueling but ultimately rewarding job.

For the last few years I’ve worked remotely from my home edit suite. It’s great. I wake up a half hour before I start working, get to sit in my sweatpants all day, and most importantly get to avoid that L.A. traffic (which would sometimes be about an hour and a half each way to the office). But, if I’m being honest, things can get a bit lonely…

Anyway, a few months ago I get call from my buddy Jeff. He’s a senior producer at a music video shop. We worked together on a slew of videos back when — Shakira, Taylor Swift, Imagine Dragons… a lot of big names.

He tells me he’s got a big job for me if I’m interested (I was, work had dried up a bit). He says he’s got a new hot project with Katy Perry coming in and it’s a quick turnaround. Immediately I perked up… not only did that mean it would be a high paying gig but I also was a huge Katy Perry fan. Yeah I liked her music but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t jerk off to her at least once a week…

I tried my best to mask my elation when saying yes. He said there was one catch… I’d have to work on site in Culver City — something about the security concerns surrounding the shoot footage. I pretended to consider this new information for a second before confirming that I was in. I gassed up my car and headed out there the next day.

The office I was set up in was nice enough. Spacious, triple monitor set-up, big mounted speakers, large windows, very comfy chair and a couch on the opposite side of my setup.

I started ingesting the footage to my machine when Jeff walked in…

“Alex, my man! Long time, bud!” – Jeff

We did one of those handshake hug things.

“Yeah man! Great to be working together again.”

He sits down on the couch.

“Listen. This is an easy one. It’s Katy Perry. She’s hanging out in Hawaii, being sexy. That’s pretty much it.” – Jeff

“Ha, not bad.” – Me

“Tease the sexiest stuff, make guys jerk off to it… but leave them a little pissed off that they didn’t get everything. Lots of close ups and make sure you have a handful of titty shots. They want to see something in three days”