[ For Robert again (and anyone else who feels the same way)! ]

Envy, according to the Church, is the second of the Seven Deadly Sins. But if you think about this list, it’s a list prohibiting nearly everything that goes into making us human beings, and our history on this planet! I’m not here to promote gluttony, or sloth, or murder, etc. but when it comes to envy, I got ask: “Why is envy such a bad thing?” After all, isn’t envy sometimes a motivator to seek change in one’s own life? Sure, like with anything, envy can have a dark side to it.

Speaking of something ‘dark’—what I find myself envying the most is when I watch porn at night (and interracial porn is the only sort of porn I watch) is when I see those huge, black cocks that are nearly ubiquitous with on-line porn these days! I mean, when I compare my own considerably smaller (and pale white) cock to someone like, say, Shane Diesel…how can I NO envy him?

I am not wishing to be a black man with a big cock. Let me get that out there right now. No. What I do envy is him having such massive cock, but I will always be a white male. I will never be black, nor have a big, black cock. Nevertheless—I can enjoy envying them!

Can, you ask, ‘enjoy’ being envious? Oh yes. Absolutely you can; but, in order to enjoy not having a big black cock (as an under-sized white guy like me), you have to honestly accept that you DON’T have a big cock. If your not ready to do that, then watching interracial porn is always going to frustrate you, and make you angry. Envy actually can bring about strong negative responses; but, if envy is accompanied by acceptance (of the fact that you do NOT possess a big cock like Shane Diesel’s), then that’s where envy shades into it’s more ‘positive’ aspect—acceptance.

For me, I’ve long accepted that I do not, nor will I ever have, a truly big (let alone black) cock of the Shane Diesel variety—so now I can envy (or substitute the word ‘envy’ for ‘admiration’) such a huge (and beautifully black) cock, even though I, myself, do not have one! For me, the deeper reward for this acceptance (call it pleasure, too), is that I’m free to accept the pleasure that comes from admitting that I do NOT have a big cock, no matter what color! Because of that I’m free of the negative side of envy, and can enjoy the positive side instead—and I do exactly that every time I watch interracial porn and masturbate. The ultimate ‘reward’, the cherry on the top of the dessert, is that exquisite moment as I achieve orgasm, and begin to be enveloped in that exhilarating release (all while being motivated by the ‘envy’ I have for big black cock!

I’ve come to enjoy the ‘bitter-sweetness’ of a small dicked white guy who fully accepts his inferiority when it comes to a superior black man—in that acceptance is the positive impact of ‘envy!’