THE CASE OF THE ONE-LEGGED PUSSY

My name is REVEREND DADDY DICK.
And I’m a Hoodoo Detective and I help wommin find their Missing or Lost Pussies.
These are my hard-boiled detective stories of the cases I’ve had.

——-

I was lissening to KEEF SWEAT which I aint had no bizness doing, while he was crooning about DEEP LOVE n shit.

Meanwhile, downtown, The Muddy MISSISSIPPI RIVER was flooding over like the last woman I had fucked.

Rite in the middle of Keith crynin mah landline rang wit a Sista named TOMORROW on the other end.

That was her Name: TOMORROW.

And she had heard all the Jokes including YESTERDAY and TODAY as a play on words bout her name.

She didnt like none of that shit.

I automatically figured that out and resisted playing wit her about her unsual name.

SPEAK!

I said as I lifted the phone out of its cradle.

I still had a Land Line in my office cuz the Muthafucka was still the best phone to have.

Never had to worry bout no dropped calls and all the rest of that shit that goes with having a cellphone.

Is This REVEREND DADDY DICK?

Her voice immediately made mah Dick hard.

Um-Hm, I said, calmly.

My name is TOMORROW. I got ya Name from MADAME X.

MADAME X was my best friend in the world.

We useta fuck. Thats another story.

Kool, I said. Whats goings ons?

Im having some issues with my body.

You mean, Ya Pussy?

I dont like using that word, but YES.

Its okay. What Word DO you use? I asked.

COOKIE.

She was old skool.

I liked that.

I grew up with mah Mama and Big Mama calling they Pussy a COOKIE — or a POCKETBOOK.

I understand.

I like that word too.

I hoped she could hear me smiling thru the phone.

I guess she did cuz she laughed a little.

Well, my Cookie has crumbled I guess you could say.

When kan you git over here to my office?

Madame X said you made house calls? It would be easier if you could come see me. I have a little trouble gitting around on a regular basis.

No problem, baby. Everybody doesnt have a car. I git that.

Its not that.

She Paused a long second.

Then:

I have another problem — with my leg.

Yo LEGS?

I put an S on the end cuz I wasnt sure if she meant Plural or Singular LEGS.

But she confirmed she meant SINGULAR as in she aint have but ONE muthafuckin leg.

Yes. I only have one. The other leg is Fake. A Prosthetic.

Still I wondered if she could git that muthafucka behind her EAR when she was fucking.

Becuz thats just how mah mind werks.

But out loud I just said to her:

Ahhh. Sho, baby, I understand. Whats a good time to cum over?

Any time after 6pm.

Aight. I will see you around 8pm then.

Thank You.